from the Comedy Show
(New York City, NY, USA)
Four friends are sitting in a restaurant in Odessa. For a long time, nobody says anything. Then, one man
"Oy vey," says a second man.
"Nu," says the third.
At this, the fourth man gets up from his chair
and says, "If you guys don't stop talking politics, I'm leaving!"
Simon was on his death bed, breathing his last. His family had gathered around him. Through half-closed eyes
and a barely audible voice he asked, Mama-you here?
With his face purple with rage, and struggling to his elbows,
the oldman shouted,
"Well, who's watching the store?"
In Odessa, a man goes into a restaurant and order a bowl of soup. The waiter brings the soup and walks away.
He comes back in a few minutes. "Sir, how is the soup."
"Waiter, taste the soup."
"Sir, is there something wrong with
"Waiter, taste the soup!"
"Sir, I'll be glad to bring you something else."
"Waiter! Taste the soup!!!"
sir. (looking around) "Where's the spoon?"
In one of numerous Odessa musical schools, a teacher asks a student, "You know very well, that most really
great violinists of the world are and were Jews in our century. There are, however very few Jews among the greatest pianists.
What do you think, what makes this difference between the two instruments. What is the reason?"
The student answers, "Have
you ever tried to make your escape with a piano?"
A strained voice called out through the darkened Odessa opera theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good,
are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to God.
The man asked, "God, what's a million years to you?"
God said "A minute."
Then the man asked:
"Well, what's a million dollars to you?"
And God said: "A penny"
the man asked:
"God... can I have a penny?"
And God said:
"Sure... In a minute."